1. one of my lifelong best friends lives in the back apartment on my house and it’s the best fucking thing. we made this candle chandelier yesterday out of shit we found in the barn (he’s the handy one, i’m an ideas man) and then partied under it during a flood and tornado warning until the skunks showed up and we had to shut it down. the renaissance has begun.

  2. oh not much. just talking about the sexual proclivities of the actors and actresses that played minor nonspeaking roles in the movies of our lives.

  3. singles psa

    if you’ve ever entertained the notion of do you date me? me or do you french me? me, then we’re approaching the perfect window. september through april seems like the most opportune time as i’m taking better care of myself than i ever have (s/o to Excelsior Wellness Collective), i’m working to change my inner monologue by educating it with books that challenge it as opposed to reflecting it back to itself, i’m keeping a daily log of instances i could’ve been kinder and more gentle to those that i love, and, just as importantly as all that other shit, i’m laughing a lot. so let’s do this. and i won’t blame you when you walk away in april because who in their right mind would want to be dating/frenching a 34 year old man? fuckin yuck.

    so if anyone wants to be in a healthy adult relationship, that starts casually, and evolves organically, at a tempo that is congruent with the rate in which we introduce various pieces of haunted luggage, all determined by a subconscious vector graph where the constant is rationality, but the projection is of increased romantic feelings, and which also fosters parallel growth, while somehow applauding the various molted skins, hmu. hobbies must include, but are not limited to, doing it.


  4. people that leave remaining time on the microwave instead of hitting reset are monsters and do not deserve your love.

  5. i’m wearing tight jeans and i have an eos lip balm in my pocket and i just realized that it could sort of be interpreted as the outline of the head of my peen. sorry for the ruse, co-workers ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

  6. i thought the train bit was a nice touch.

    i thought the train bit was a nice touch.

  7. internetpoetry:

image macro by thaddeus sterling


    image macro by thaddeus sterling

  8. a movie where all of the product placement is of things that don’t even exist anymore (like zima) and where the soundtrack is all christmas songs eventhough it’s set in the summer. for no real reason.

  9. I started a story about a dick pic like 8 months ago and by the time I finish it dick pics will be so passé that there’ll already be a show on ABC about a lawyer or something called Richard Pic.