this is me and my cat except my cat’s like “let me massage you” and i’m like “oww ouch fuck get atta here” but it’s still all emo and goth and romantic too somehow.
have you ever considered becoming water?
ugh so hard motherfuckers wanna fine me.
that shit “meh.” that shit “meh.”
My cat is lying next to my feet purring while I’m on the crapper and I just spent a decent amount of time trying to take a great picture of it because I’m addicted to putting things on the internet.
a t-shirt you where to the bars of your hometown that just says “we really don’t have to do this.” get yours in time for the holidays!
sorry I crushed things
sorry I ate the cake and ate the crate the eggs came in
sorry I devoured the ingredient list
we will never make a cake like that again
big apologies for the locked door
but you knocked too soft
big apologies for the last sip
the last word, the lost love
your hair clogging up the sink
you’re in debt
but not to me.
sorry your college degree was left out in the rain
and the mice gathered the dried up pieces
when the puddles were sucked back into the needy ground
word came in: everybody needs a nest in the shape
of plentiful impracticable dreams
woke up one day and saw the world was a mess
I did nothing about it, poured myself some apple juice
sorry I love to hear you sing off-key when you’re angry
sorry I want to die on cable TV or not at all
sorry for the cracked moon, worthless saves
pitiful times, big apologies
for pulling your hair while we fucked
and you got so mad you slapped me in the nuts
feel bad that your award got pulled apart
by the car crushing robot
feel bad for getting sick all over your finest work
I am human and my errors
are not calculable.
some body-rockin knockin Das Boot
sad-dadded to this so hard last night that i forgot to even finish the 40 of miller high life i was drinking.
we eat our sad, take our anger out on our own genitals, and if you don’t like it, well you can just go the fuck back to canada, you goddamn commie!
Friend 1: Is she single?
Me: There's no way for me to find out.
Friend 1: Just instagram her.
Friend 2: Yeah, pinterest her.